I got a notice today at my job: "You're slipping in the eyes of your peers." What? When did anyone notice that I was doing a bad job? More to the point, who the f'k thinks I'm doing a bad job?!?
My job consists of being a full time fund development person, and I sit on 10 committees!!! That means I have workloads for 10 different volunteer groups. I'm ticked off that my job thinks I'm not working hard. SO ticked that I can't sleep and I'm up typing on my blog to get it out.
The issue is to either walk, eat it, or work it out. I don't know. Thinking about it is not only a blow to my fragile ego, but more of an indictment of my current work capacities. For a select few to dictate my happiness and how much time I spend with my family and my art is, in my mind, insane. We are not put here on this earth to work, that's the spirit of capitalism. Rather, my time on this world is meant to develop meaningful relationships with people and be proud of the work I create.
I thought I was proud, but now I'm just bummed out.
It's sad and disheartening to be writing this, b/c I almost feel as if I'm at a crossroads of sorts. I need to make the decision that's right for me and not let it be driven by fear or doubt. Instead, I need to follow what I believe is the right thing to do in the long run. THEN, only then, can I achieve a fulfilling life.
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